I can't show or tell you, he said. Cause you can't keep a secret. I most likely bit my lip, or rolled my eyes or did anything to show him I utterly disapproved. I had never been good at keeping secrets. I hadn't kept any to say the least. I wanted to be his accomplice, his partner in crime. I sure could keep a secret, I would try so hard like I'd never tried before.
In retrospect, everything was great back then. And I also never told anyone until now. The shit hit the fan only when it started to be no longer about me keeping a secret. It started to be about the secret keeping me. From my friends, estranging me, holding me back from anyone who could've given me the reassurance I needed. I had totally lost control. I had given up being a loquacious child and had received no security in return.